


Gotcha Last

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-25
Updated: 2006-02-25
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:59:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8064685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Archer toys with an old rival but the meeting has unexpected consequences for Trip. (05/04/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

Most days Jonathan Archer was proud of the fact that he was an emotional being. After all, he considered that a passion for life was one thing that set humanity apart from the Vulcan's, and despite the advances of that oh, so logical race, Archer firmly believed that the Terran drive to explore the unknown, which was based on a bunch of very emotional principles after all, would eventually take his own people farther than the Vulcan's had ever been.

Even though Jon was a firm believer in the value of feelings, he knew full well that too much sentiment was a bad thing and even if he didn't, Enterprise's science officer would always be there to remind him. So, Archer made it a rule to concentrate on the positive and usually he tried to avoid indulging in any negative sensibilities, but today he couldn't help it. Today a situation showed itself to be just too tempting to fight so the captain surrendered to this particular negative emotion without even a whimper. Today Jonathan Archer not only allowed himself to feel smug, he wallowed in it.

"Captain." The voice of his comm officer, Hoshi Sato, broke into his thoughts. "We're being hailed." The ensign reported loudly, then leaned forward, knowing full well what the situation was, and whispered the rest of it. "It's him."

Archer's smile went deep. Ohh, he was going to enjoy this. "Put him on."

Hoshi pushed a few buttons and then the image of a human male, dressed in Starfleet's best, was displayed in living color, on the forward view screen and the color was truly vibrant. Christopher Duvall, captain of the Shenandoah, one of only four NX starships in Starfleet's fleet was displaying a cornucopia of hues at the moment. Duvall's cheeks were tinted with red, while the tip of his nose and his tightly clenched lips were a bloodless, pale white.

Jon knew Duvall was fighting to maintain his proper captain's demeanor and Archer worked hard to knock the Starfleet's second captain off of that precarious perch. "How are the repairs coming along?" Jon could have tried to remove the small trace of superiority that surrounded the edges of his tone, but he didn't. Archer had the upper hand, for the first time in his life, and he was going to crank the handle for as long as he could. "I hope Commander Tucker has been able to help you with your 'little' problem."

"He's been a great help." The Shenandoah's captain was experiencing a whole spate of emotions on his own. Duvall hated this whole situation and Jon well knew it. The straight-laced, prissy perfectionist had always demanded that his ship run like a well oiled machine and had little tolerance for any mistakes, therefore he was predictably enraged when the Shenandoah experienced major engine trouble three weeks into her maiden voyage. What made things even worse was that Duvall was forced to ask Enterprise to come to their assistance. Starfleet's flagship was on her way home from her successful first tour of duty when she picked up her sister ship's call for aid and Jon was more than willing to help his friendly nemesis. From the beginning, Archer's laid back, amicable command style was a direct contrast to Duvall's by the book manner and the two men clashed each time they met.

It killed Duvall to have to ask Archer, of all people, for assistance, but Starfleet's second ranking captain wasn't going to have to endure this intolerable situation much longer. "I am happy to report that Commander Tucker has finished up the repairs and will be returning to your ship shortly."

"Glad to hear it." Archer said that but in truth he was a little sad that his time for lording it over his rival was drawing to a close. "Is there anything else we can do to help? After all, we have over a year of deep space experience that you don't..." Jon took great pleasure in pointing this out. "We'd be happy to share our knowledge with you."

This had the expected results. Jon knew damn well that Duvall had wanted the Shenandoah to be humanity's first representative in deep space and was predictably enraged when Starfleet gave Enterprise the nod, but Duvall didn't reach the rank of captain by being a fool. He was well aware of the fact that Archer was trying to get his goat, again, so he fought to remain calm. "That won't be necessary. You've done more than enough."

"Are you sure?" Jon said, rubbing it in. "We'd be most willing to help."

"I'm sure." Duvall glanced at a console, a last ditch effort to distract himself before he lost control and said something that he would regret later. "You're shuttlepod has just undocked. Commander Tucker should be back to Enterprise in just a few minutes, so we'll be on our way." Duvall glanced up at Archer again and, for the first time a hint of a smile could be seen on the rigid man's features. "Oh, by the way, there was one last thing that I forgot to tell you."

"What was that?" Archer asked, a sinking feeling beginning to permeate his gut.

Duvall smiled. A full, evil smile. "Gotcha Last!" A hideous cackle from the Shenandoah's captain filled the room for a second then the comm was cut off.

At the sound of it everyone on the bridge suddenly tensed and Jonathan Archer's eyes widened as he got to his feet. This surprised T'Pol who had been watching the interchange with interest. She was aware that there had been an undercurrent of some sort of emotion that was prevalent throughout the conversation, but she put it down to what the humans called friendly banter. Yet, judging by her companions' reactions, Captain Duvall's last comment was anything but friendly. In fact, the bridge crew acted like they were facing some sort of imminent threat. "What's the status of our pod?" Archer snapped the order to Reed.

The armory officer checked his readings. "The shuttle is halfway between Enterprise and the Shenandoah. Commander Tucker should be back aboard within five minutes."

"Hmm." That sounded like a standard report to T'Pol, but obviously Archer read more meaning into it. Her supposition was confirmed when he turned to her. "Scan the pod."

"Sir?" T'Pol arched an eyebrow. Scanning your own vessel in this situation was not standard procedure. Something highly unusual was going on here.

"You heard me, Sub-Commander." Archer was on edge and not tolerating any delay in his orders.

"Aye, sir." If T'Pol was capable of curiosity then the current situation would send her concern raging, but as things stood she simply scanned the vessel. "The shuttle pod contains one human life sign. All other readings are nominal."

Archer seemed to latch on that. "Only one life sign? Are you sure?"

Once again that surprised the Vulcan. Over the months Jonathan Archer had grown accustomed to her expertise as science officer. She wasn't used to her reports being questioned. "I'm sure."

"Damn." Fully on edge now the captain made his way to his seat. He hesitated for a moment, then summoned up his courage and activated the comm. "Enterprise to Shuttlepod One."

"Tucker here." Archer analyzed his friend's voice carefully. He knew Tucker well and, even though it was subtle, the captain had no trouble picking up the stress in his chief engineer's tone.

"Are you all right, Trip?"

"Oh, I'm just peachy!" Now everyone could hear the irritation in Tucker's inflection, and Archer's fears multiplied.

"I want you to come up to the bridge as soon as you dock, Commander."

A burst of static followed that pronouncement. "I'm sorry, Cap'n." Tucker could barely be heard over the interference. "I'm having trouble picking you up."

Like hell. The pod was only a few kilometers from her mother ship and there was no way they could be experiencing any communications problems. Archer didn't need Hoshi to translate this one. The white noise really meant that Tucker desperately did not want to come to the bridge so he engineered this little electrical disturbance in order to express his displeasure to Archer, without having to come right out and disobey a direct order. The captain got the message all right. "Never mind, Trip. I'll meet up with you in the launch bay after you've docked."

Low and behold the interference suddenly cleared up. "Roger that, Cap'n." Tucker acknowledged and the shuttle entered into it's docking procedure.

Sighing Archer got to his feet. Tucker's arrival happened to coincide with a shift change so the captain gladly turned command over to the beta head, then he and his bridge crew headed for the turbolift. Jon wasn't surprised that the others wanted to come along. They all knew the score, well, everyone except T'Pol that was, and Archer had the feeling that Tucker was going to need all the support he could get.

* * *

T'Pol was one very confused Vulcan as an incredibly tense command crew descended in the turbo-lift. "I do not understand the current situation," the subcommander finally admitted to Hoshi as the elevator reached the bottom deck and their group began to file out. "I was under the impression that Captain Duvall and the crew of the Shenandoah are your allies, so why are you all so apprehensive at Commander Tucker's return?"

"Just because we're allies doesn't mean that we're on the same side." Was Sato's cryptic reply.

T'Pol was going to ask for further clarification but then they reached the launch bay and there was no more time. The Vulcan stifled her unacknowledged curiosity and stepped to the rear of the group. Content to observe the events as they unfolded.

She wasn't the only one interested in following the current situation. Archer had summoned Phlox to the bay, just in case, and the doctor was quite anxious to learn the basis of the current assembly.

They didn't have long to wait. When the doors slid open Archer took in the scene with a glance. His shuttlepod was resting securely on the deck, one floor below with it's hatch still firmly shut. Other than the new arrivals, the only sign of life on the upper catwalk was the young woman who was manning the launch bay control station. "Any sign of Commander Tucker?"

"No, sir." The crewman replied. She had been wondering why the commander hadn't left the pod and had been debating whether to call for assistance when the contingent from the bridge arrived. Relieved, the crewman finished her report, anxious to have responsibility transferred from her hands to the captain. "The pod's been docked for a good three or four minutes and there hasn't been so much as a peep out of the commander."

"Thank you, Crewman." Archer turned his attention to his command crew who were clustered on the ramp with him. "You stay here."

"Yes, sir." Reed answered for all and the group settled itself to watch as Archer gingerly made his way down the ladder that connected the upper catwalk to the airlock of the pod.

When the captain reached the shuttle's hull, he hesitated for a moment, afraid of what was he was going to find inside, then suddenly angry at himself for hesitating, Archer took his bad temper out on the airlock by latching his hand around the handle and heaving the door up with a desperate wrench. Before he could say anything, Jon was startled when a hand reached out from inside the pod and slammed the hatch shut.

Surprised at the action, the captain took a second to regroup before lifting up the hatch again, this time opening it up fully so the occupant inside couldn't reach out to close it again without showing himself. "Trip." Archer called, forcing himself to keep his tone light. "Come out of there."

"No!"

"It's all right." Jon said, seeing that he was going to have to coax. "You're home now. It's safe to come out."

"Won't!" The defiant reply up floated out of the opening.

Jon shot a look at his crew clustered above before turning his attention back to the lock. He debated about going into the shuttle and seeing for himself what was wrong, but he didn't want to crowd his friend. It would be better for all concerned it Tucker came out on his own. "Why not?" He asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

The mumbled answer was so quiet that Archer actually had to lean down near to the open aperture in order to hear it. Tucker's words confirmed Jon's worst fear and the captain realized that it was going to take all the persuasiveness that he could muster in order to convince the engineer that it was safe to come out.

Adopting the tone of voice that one might use to talk to a petulant child, Jon began to make his case. "Listen to me, Trip. We're all your friends here and everyone wants what's best for you. If you come out I promise that no one is going to say anything." Archer turned and gave his crew a very imploring gaze when he said the last and hardened an edge to his voice. He wasn't only talking to Tucker right then. "No one is going to react to you in any way, Trip."

The captain stared at the group for a moment until they all nodded. They understood that Archer was giving them a command and the party braced themselves for the worst. The captain saw that his communiqu had been received and turned his attention back to the pod. "Come on out now, Trip."

Tucker, too knew the tone of an order when he heard one, so the captain wasn't very much surprised when Trip popped his head out of the hatch. He looked around and noted that Archer was on the ladder while the rest of the crew was perched up above. "You all remember your promise, now."

"We'll remember, Trip." Jon reassured the man. "Now come on all the way out."

Tucker sighed. He knew he couldn't hide forever, as much as he wanted to, so with only one more warning glare to ensure his companions continued good behavior, Trip swallowed his pride and climbed onto the ladder.

A gasp was heard when the upper part of Trip's body rose into view. The engineer had the arms of his uniform jumpsuit tied around his waist. His black undershirt was nowhere in sight, leaving Trip's chest totally exposed to everyone's gaze, and ohhh was it something to see. For there, prominently on display on Trip's chest was a tattoo of the Shenandoah's logo, emblazoned with vivid, neon colors.

Despite the crew's best efforts, a snicker or two was heard echoing off of the launch bay's metal walls. Trip fought back the impulse to duck back into the shuttle and had to hang onto as much dignity as he could, but it was hard. The situation was just too darn embarrassing.

Ah, T'Pol understood now. This was an example of what humans called a practical joke. A manifestation of a friendly rivalry that the Vulcan's had noticed, but hardly understood, between the crews of other human vessels in the past. Relieved that nothing life threatening was really going on, the Vulcan concentrated on observing this new and interesting ritual. The High Command would be most interested.

Despite the fact that he felt badly for his friend, Archer had to struggle to keep from laughing himself. "Tell me, Trip. How exactly did this happen?"

"Aw, Cap'n." The engineer haltingly tried to explain as they made their way up the ladder. "You know how dirty it is when you're working on an engine."

"Yeah." Archer kept his tone neutral for now. Just wanting to keep Tucker talking.

"Well, I guess I, accidentally mind you, left some grease and dirt all over Duvall's pristine walls and floors and the engineering gang over there didn't take too kindly to it."

"Accidentally, huh?" Jon knew that Trip's opinion of Duvall mirrored his own so the captain couldn't really put Trip's actions down to happenstance, and the engineer didn't really expect him to.

"Okay." Tucker conceded. "I may have smeared a streak of grease or two on purpose, but Duvall and his group are such a bunch of strait laced, stuck up..." Trip didn't know if he should come right out and say it, but what the hell. "...jerks that I couldn't resist yanking on their chain a little." Tucker looked mournfully down at his chest. "I didn't figure on them doing this though."

Watching the sad engineer almost made Travis Mayweather forget the levity of the situation. Growing up a boomer Travis was well versed in the art of the practical joke, but this one beat them all. When Mayweather glanced at the artistic composition he wondered if he was seeing things, but when the helmsman peered more closely he discovered that the colors were indeed changing their hue, migrating to form the most ghastly combination possible. Mayweather even bet that they glowed in the dark. "How did they manage to turn you into a work of art?"

Weary to the bone, Tucker wondered if the humiliation would ever end. "I'd just finished up on the warp coil modifications when they grabbed me and knocked me out with some sorta drug. I was only unconscious for a few minutes, but when I came too I was like this."

Usually sympathetic, Hoshi too was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Tucker just looked too silly. "Why don't you just cover up?" The comm officer cheerfully suggested.

It took all of Trip's will power to remind himself that a gentleman didn't hit a lady. "Don't you think I would if I could." Tucker waved his hand over the tattoo, careful not to brush up against the surface. "They put some sorta chemical in the paint. If anything touches this spot I end up itching something fierce." Right then Tucker caught sight of Phlox hovering behind the crowd and he felt a ray of hope for the first time since he woke up and saw this monstrosity. "Say, Doc, is there anything you can do for me?"

"Well, let me see." Phlox moved forward and started to scan the engineer with his tricorder.

While Tucker was preoccupied with the exam, Reed quietly positioned himself next to Archer's ear. "You know sir, this means war."

"Oh yeah." Enterprise's captain knew that the pride of his ship was at stake. Something had to be done.

While his mind started to hatch plots Archer noticed that the doctor had finished his inspection of the engineer's unique condition. It was obvious from the expression on Phlox's face that the doctor didn't have good news to report. "I'm sorry, Commander. Apparently the inks used in this tattoo have been laced with certain chemical compounds that induce the itching when touched. I'm afraid that their interaction with my dermal re-sequencer would produce the same result."

Tucker's heart sank. "So I'm stuck with this thing?"

"I'm afraid so." The doctor saw that his pronouncement didn't go over too well so the Denobulan tried to find a way to cheer the melancholy officer up. "Not to worry. The effects should dissipate as soon as the top layer of skin cells wear off. At that point I can remove the remaining ink and you'll be good as new."

"Wear off!" This didn't help the distraught man feel better at all. "How long is that gonna take?"

"Oh, I'd estimate a week, maybe two."

"Two weeks!" Stripped of all his dignity, Tucker didn't think he had the strength to endure this desecration for fourteen more days, so Trip turned to his old friend to plead for help. "Cap'n. I know my leave isn't due for another four months, but can't I take it now? I really don't want to be wandering around where everybody can see this." Tucker gestured to the collage on his chest. "Couldn't I stay in my cabin until this 'thing' goes away?"

"No." It was hard to deny his friend but Jon couldn't let Tucker take the easy way out. "Hiding isn't the answer, Trip. That would be just giving in to what Duvall and his gang want."

Easy for Archer to say. He wasn't the one wearing a neon sign on his chest. "But, Cap'n..."

"I'm sorry, Trip." Jon saw the look of dismay on his friend's face and hastened to reassure him. "Listen, during the next few days I don't want you to think about the itching, or the humiliation, I want you to concentrate on only one thing."

Tucker perked up a little at the tone of Archer's voice. He sounded like a man with a plan. "And what's that, sir?"

Archer grinned. A grin so evil that it matched the one Duvall flashed him earlier. "Revenge!"

* * *

As the Shenandoah's mission progressed, it's captain became more and more pleased with himself. It had been almost a month since that debacle with Archer and his crew and no further mishaps occurred. One thing that helped Christopher Duvall recover from the ignominy of it all was the mental picture of Tucker wearing the Shenandoah's proud logo for all aboard Enterprise to see. Although Duvall hesitated to authorize such a prank when his chief engineer first mentioned it, the look of Jonathan Archer's face when he made the "Gotcha Last" pronouncement made everything worthwhile.

One glance at his chronometer shook Duvall from his musings. No more time for idle pondering, there was work to be done. The Shenandoah had been approached that morning by a ship containing a small group of friendly aliens, called Hitarian's, who wanted to introduce themselves to the new, big ship on the block and Duvall relished the chance to make a good impression. Finally, his own first contact.

As the captain strode down the corridor he noticed a small smudge marring what otherwise was a pristine, shinny chrome molding. Irritated that his crew could have left such a mark, Duvall wanted it removed, immediately. He started to wipe off the smirch with his sleeve, but then realized that he would wrinkle the precision crease of the cuff. The captain was forced to withdraw a handkerchief from his pocket and remove the offensive smear that way. Angered that his hankie had been forced to be used in such a manner, the captain carefully folded the cloth so the soiled part was cocooned inside the material and put it back in his pocket. His guest were due any minute so he had no time to drop off the kerchief at the laundry. The captain would just have to carry the offensive cloth around until this first contact was over.

At least everything was ship shape at the airlock. The Shenandoah's First Officer, Commander Hendricks, had seen to it that a welcoming party was assembled with appropriate adherence, befitting proper navy tradition that went back for centuries. With  
eight side boys lining either side of the corridor, the fife and drum core piped the alien visitors aboard.

The small group of three Hitarian's appeared to appreciate the pomp and circumstance, but it was hard for Duvall to be sure, since the aliens were so...alien. The leader stood slightly in front of it's two companions and the captain was able to covertly study the features of his new guests as they walked through the airlock.

Each stood about six feet tall, had only one head and breathed an oxygen, nitrogen atmosphere, but that was where they radically departed from the human norm. Their faces contained the standard two eyes, one nose and one mouth, but they appeared to have scales instead of skin and their hair looked more like peach fuzz, but they were an attractive race. Duvall couldn't tell if they were bipeds because they each wore long robes that reached the deck, covering their leg area completely, but the visitors were certainly mobile enough. In fact, it seemed as if they glided across the floor, but if their legs were similar to their arms, then they weren't walking on feet. The Hitarian's upper appendages were as long as a human's, but instead of hands each of the aliens sprouted three long tentacles which the aliens obviously used in place of fingers. The long, supple tendrils were constantly in motion, waving and wiggling in the air whether the aliens were moving or still.

Duvall wondered if this motion was a form of communication, then the leader stood before him and made an intricate gesture with his tentacles before entwining them together and bowing, confirming his guess. "Greetings, Captain Duvall of the Shenandoah." The Hitarian's voice sounded tinny to Duvall's ears, as if it was being modulated though a speaker or something but the human dismissed this notion as ridiculous. The Hitarian's were an alien culture. They were bound to sound different. Duvall coagulated up his random thoughts and forced himself to concentrate on what the Hitarian was saying. "I am Kockak, and these are my companions, Jitaria and Shimar." The other members of Kockak's crew also repeated the delicate greeting.

Duvall tried his best to imitate it, but his digits simply weren't flexible enough so the human captain settled for a simple wave. "Welcome aboard the Shenandoah. I am very happy to make your acquaintance."

"As are we." Kockak and his friends started looking around. "We thank you for the opportunity to observe this most interesting new vessel."

"It's our pleasure." Duvall cooed. "The purpose of my mission is to introduce ourselves to new species such as yourself. I am hopeful that this meeting will go down in history for both of us as the beginning of a long and happy friendship between our two peoples."

"Oh I am sure of that." Kockak enthused. "I know that you and I will remember this visit for a very long time."

Taking that as a good sign Duvall gestured down the corridor, happy that this first contact was going well . "Would you like to see the Shenandoah?"

"Oh yes, please." As the enthusiastic Hitarian's began their tour the captain noticed that the aliens left a small trail of secretions on the deck. The neat freak within Duvall was horrified that these strangers were covering his sparkling floor with green slime and he had to fight down the urge to mop up the mess instantly. Not wanting to inadvertently insult his guests the captain told himself to ignore the eyesore, believing that this would be the worst of it. Fortunately the Hitarian discharge seemed to dry within a few minutes, leaving no permanent stain behind, so Duvall had no trouble plastering a smile on his face while cheerfully continuing the tour.

Unfortunately for the captain the rest of the afternoon spiraled down into a nightmare. Duvall thought he had prepared himself for any strange anomaly that he might have to face one he finally started to explore the great unknown, but he never counted on his first group of visitors molesting his ship. Apparently the Hitarian's did more than just talk with their tentacles, the appendages must have been some sort of sensory apparatus as well because the aliens touched everything. Bulkheads, data screens, tables, chairs, windows, doors, everything. Not only that, these twitching fingers left intricate patterns of green goo in their wake. It took all of the captain's will power not to order the Hitarian's to halt their pawing of his ship immediately. As much as he hated this, Duvall was smart enough to know his discomfort was residing on only an instinctual level, so he wisely kept his mouth shut.

The Shenandoah's captain did have to make a stand, however, when the tour reached the bridge. There were too many sensitive areas that just couldn't be handled by outsiders. Fortunately Kockak and his party didn't take offense at the restrictions and simply proceeded to make their mark on every authorized surface including the view screen and the captain's chair.

It seemed like forever but finally the Shenandoah's captain breathed out a sigh of relief when the Hitarian's bid their hosts a fond farewell before returning to their own ship. Duvall had just made his way back to the bridge when Kockak hailed the Shenandoah one more time. "I just wanted to thank you again, Captain Duvall for a most intriguing tour. We had a most wonderful time." "As did we." The Starfleet officer smiled at the alien while he settled into his seat, confident that this first contact had been a success.

"I would be very much honored if you would allow us to bless your continuing journey with a traditional Hitarian litany." Kockak said while he and his companions intertwined their tentacles once again "It is we who would be most honored." Duvall couldn't allow this to happen while he was sitting down so the captain motioned to his bridge crew who all reverently got to their feet.

Pleased, Kockak gestured to his companion. "If you wouldn't mind, I think it would be most fitting if Jitaria, my engineer, would make the benediction"

"Of course." That was a little odd. Duvall hadn't heard a peep out of this Jitaria or the other Hitarian during the entire tour yet now he was going to speak up? The Shenandoah's captain pushed his uncertainties aside and filed this question away for future pondering. He had almost succeeded in making friends with his first alien race and he wasn't going to mess it up now.

On the screen, Jitaria took center stage and spoke. "It is with much hope and sincerity that I desire to bestow upon your journey much joy and good wishes." Jitaria and his other two Hitarian pals bowed reverently.

Duvall, thinking that the ceremony was over was going to state his thanks when Jitaria held up an arm. "There is one more thing." The Shenandoah's captain paused, waiting expectantly. Then the Hitarian laughed, a decidedly human laugh, one that was laced with a certain southern drawl. "Gotcha Last!"

Duvall was horrified when two more human voices joined in the glee. The captain's rage began to build when he recognized one of those distinct voices. "Archer!" But before he could do anything about it, the little ship cut the comm link and was gone. "Get them back!" Duvall, in full captain mode snapped at his comm officer.

The befuddled ensign rushed to comply but the surface of his console changed color just as the officer's fingers were about to press a button. "Captain!" The ensign called out a warning which was, within moments, echoed with complaints from all the other officers on the bridge. Letters and words were appearing on every console and every bulkhead. The characters pulsated with a bright purple color and spelled out the name ENTERPRISE on every conceivable surface, including the view screen within which the stars were obscured by the glowing violet runes. Even Duvall's own chair had a glowing "E" on it.

"Captain." The comm officer hated to add to the situation but he had no choice. He couldn't suppress this news, even if he wanted to. "Reports are coming in from all  
decks. Apparently this..." he gestured to the neon word strobing underneath his fingers, "is painted on nearly every bulkhead and window we have. Even the floor."

Rage threatening to overwhelm him, Duvall held his anger in by grinding his teeth down to their nubs. The slime that he saw the "aliens" trail behind must have been a gelatin paint, programmed to metamorphose into this monstrosity after a certain interval had passed. Archer and his crew made damn sure to coat every possible surface under the guise of sensing tentacles and now his pristine ship was decimated under layers of this graffiti. "Mr. Hendricks." Duvall said in a tone that Hendricks knew contained barely repressed fury. "Please remove this...abomination, immediately."

"Aye, sir." The Shenandoah's first officer rushed to obey but after trying to wash it off with soap and water, then escalating to several different cleaning solvents, the letters were still blaring as brightly as they were at the beginning. Frustrated, Hendricks finally scanned the paint with his tricorder. When the commander saw the readings he knew that Duvall wasn't going to take this news well. Not at all. Hendricks prayed that his commanding officer would have enough sense not to shoot the messenger and made his report. "I'm sorry sir. It looks like they used the same sort of insoluble paint that we did when we tattooed Tucker. There's no way to remove it. We're just going to have to wait until it wears off."

This was too much. The fact that he was going to have to stare at the name of his nemesis everywhere he looked for the next few weeks finally drove Duvall mad. If a human being could simulate a nuclear meltdown this captain came the closest at that moment. The man simply erupted, howling Archer's name to the stars.

A different type of howling filled the little scout ship that Jon and company borrowed from their Xyrillian friends. Now free of their Hitarian makeup, Archer, Reed and, of course, Tucker were on their way back to Enterprise, eager to share the details of their successful mission with their shipmates.

They didn't even have to imagine Duvall's reaction to their little joke. Reed had planted a couple of optical pickups throughout the Shenandoah, including the bridge, so the Enterprise crew had a grand time watching Duvall turn apoplectic with rage over and over again. Tucker took express pleasure in viewing the show, knowing that his own humiliation had finally been avenged and Enterprise's precious reputation was once again restored. They had, indeed, gotten them last.


End file.
